300+ Hours a month Streaming to almost 0, what happened?
A number of people have been asking me, Ezzorath, where have you been? Well, I have been waking up from the drug-like addiction that has been in my life for over a year now, Twitch. Back in June of 2020, my channel took off in a way it has never in years, we hit a subcount with enough revenue backed behind it with the support of Crowfall and other games and communities to allow me to begin full time streaming and paying my bills. I appreciate the tremendous support I have seen over the past year or more in helping me be able to create the content that I did for the communities we streamed and made youtube content for.
But I’m really tired. I worked really hard for a lot of build up to see some of my biggest chances at success fall short. I’m not making any money right now, but I’ve saved up enough from our sponsorships and our work the past year momentarily to get by. A number of things psychologically, I needed a break and stepped back and have been taking care of myself physically and mentally where I fell short the past year or more. I didn't take care of myself very well while I was working so hard to try and be successful on twitch. You watch other successful people on Twitch be able to stream for so many hours, but you don’t account for the extra help and work they have behind the camera to make that execution seem tireless. I destroyed myself trying to keep up with the work loads and habits to meet the bare minimum for Twitch and Youtube full time. I had to stream daily for at least 8 hours a day typically, to work on youtube editing and cutting for hours afterward, to top off each of my days with written guide work for my website, Ezzogaming.com and Written Google Document guides, as well as further scripts for future videos. I lost loads of weight from stress, anxiety, bad sleeping and eating habits, and no longer doing almost any physical activity to push the minimum 12+ hour days I was having behind my computer. I’m regaining that weight back like a monster, biking, hiking, trail walking and doing lots of things outside I miss doing.
I'm reversing a lot of that, and starting to feel a lot better. I love nature and doing things outside, but in the past year or more I completely stopped doing anything like that to focus on one thing : streaming and youtube. Without making the money from it anymore, I woke up from a sort-of “honeymoon phase”. I realized how much it was draining from me and making me a negative person in many ways and also very unhealthy, while I was dedicating all my positive energy to streaming. I guess now I'm trying to find a balance and how I can return back to normal. The last partner push was really one of my last chances, I mathematically figured that a financial increase in revenue from twitch would have been enough, but responsibly I need to start making money so I'm not just losing all my money. Around the Crowfall and SOLO launch, seeing a lot of other streamers around me, I started to get hardcore imposter syndrome and it has really hurt my willingness to return as well.
So, I’m sorry guys. I pushed myself and I hurt myself in many different ways working like this. I hope to return to normal soon.